hysterical

It dawned on me today that a good definition of hysteria would be the mantra, "I'd rather be right than happy." There come moments that test this iron-clad law that may seem insignificant at the time - if, in the intoxication of justice, they are noticed at all - but which are decisive if one wishes to resist making one's life a "real Calvary" (as Phillipe van Haute once succinctly characterized the hysteric's existence). One might call it "picking your battles," but that always struck me as pedestrian a thing to say as "Life isn't fair." Because both approximate what I am trying to say by falling back on platitudes, they are more likely to rankle the hysteric rather than bring about a change in consciousness that may salvage her life, if sour her conscience.

The hysteric is in a double-bind: on the one hand, to live an ethical life demands that one be right and that one demand the same of the world. But what does one do when the good is not always the beautiful? Or when its not even all that good? I believe the hysterical woman was the first dialectician - the first to realize that heaven is actually a hell, and that it is here, now, on earth to be lived. And by always keeping this hell in view, she triumphs (but does not rejoice) in the knowledge that she is conscious of this truth, even if it makes her life here, now, on earth unbearable.

Lately, I am thinking of Ulrike Meinhof, especially as we are gearing up for the 40th anniversary of 1968 - which, in Germany, really began on June 2, 1967 with the student protests in Berlin on the occasion of the state visit of the Shah of Iran. Two nights ago I saw one of many TV programs devoted to narrating the history of the decade between that summer and the German Autumn of 1977. And I saw footage of Ulrike Meinhof from the early 1960s, as she appeared as a journalist on political discussion television programs. She looked very Beat and spoke very intelligently and struck me as so very, terribly - depressed.

Gerhard Richter. (German, born 1932). Ulrike Meinhof from October 18, 1977. 1988. Fifteen paintings, oil on canvas, Installation variable. The Museum of Modern Art, New York. The Sidney and Harriet Janis Collection, gift of Philip Johnson, and acquired through the Lillie P. Bliss Bequest (all by exchange); Enid A. Haupt Fund; Nina and Gordon Bunshaft Bequest Fund; and gift of Emily Rauh Pulitzer. © 2007 Gerhard Richter